I was sitting at my work desk when I realised I couldn’t pretend anymore. I couldn’t spend another 11 years like I just had, being someone’s side project. I didn’t want to play house with the Psychologist anymore.
I sent a very short emotionless text. ” I’m not coming home” … “That’s ok what time will you be home tomorrow?” … “No. I’m never coming home, I don’t want this anymore. I’ve had enough. I’m out”
This was the start of starting again .. again
Cruel to be kind isn’t a thing
I am not a cruel person. I don’t play games. I could never break someone too further myself or get what I want. That’s not me. I was naïve to think the world was full of people like me. How anyone could treat someone with such a level of disrespect I will never know. I am not that kind of person. I am however the kind of person that has given 13 of my 31ish years to people just like this. How and why did I keep doing this?
My mum has always said I have a bigger heart then most. That I can see the pain in others and I will carry their pain like it is my own. Unfortunately this makes me an easy target, my kindness is seen as my weakness at times.
Girl 4 – The Other Girl
I wasn’t heartbroken the relationship was over. I wasn’t even really hurt. I was tired and disappointed. Once I had been home for a few weeks I could finally see things clearly again. This guy had used me, and now I was in for a massive fight to get everything he owed me back.
I was laying in bed on a Tuesday morning trying to ignore the constant stream of texts I was getting from the Psychologist. He had realised all too late that I was actually this pretty great person who he had treated like dirty. He was sorry, (questionable) he was hurting (again questionable) he was hoping to get me back (NO question here it’s clearly a no from me). Finally I rolled over picked up my phone and notice a name I’d never seen before … This was the first time I’d meet Girl 4
“Hi S. You don’t know me and I get that it’s totally weird that I’m messaging you, so I’m really sorry about that, but I wanted to ask you a question. I started dating The Psychologist a couple of months ago but I get the feeling that he’s not a very honest person about certain things. He mentioned that you two were seeing each other casually for a little while but that’s been over for a bit. I really hope that is the case because if I have started seeing someone who has/had a girlfriend then I will be truly mortified and of course incredibly sorry. If he is telling the truth then I’m really sorry for messaging and I hope I don’t sound like a complete crazy person. It’s just that I have a few trust issues from past relationships and generally I’m pretty good at picking up on when things don’t feel quite right. Oh and I know it’s a big ask, but please don’t tell him I’ve gotten in contact with you… I already feel horrible about doing this. Thank you, and again sorry for doing this. Girl 4 :)”
I was about to tell a girl who had been hurt numerous times before that this time was no different. She was about to become the Other Girl.
“I’m so sorry to do this to you, we only broke up a couple of weeks ago … 3 weeks at the most. Please don’t waste your time or tears on a person like this. I can promise he is not worth it. If I can give you any advice it would be to run from this guy as fast and as far as you can get. He has spent over 12 months lying, cheating and now I’ve only just realised but stealing from me. You are far better than him, we both are.”
I felt heartbroken for her, not so much for me. I really didn’t feel like I had been cheated out of anything. However I knew she had been, she thought she was starting a new fresh relationship, and I had just pulled that down in one text.
She apologised more times than I could count, but really she had nothing to be sorry about. She didn’t know me, didn’t intentionally try “steal” my boyfriend. The more we started to share our stories the more I realised I had absolutely no idea who I had been sharing a bed with for the last 14 months. The most unbelievable was the fact he lied about being working as a Psychologist, He wasn’t registered, he was a lie. (This would be the perfect opportuinity to refer back to my last Blog .. especially the part where he told me he was “more qualified” then the psychologist I was seeing) Girl 4 worked in the field, she had done her research on him, she wasn’t even sure he had finished his schooling. The more we spoke the more she got angry, not at me, at him. She text him to let him know how angry she was, his response was pathetic at best.
“I don’t even know what too say to that. There is always 2 sides to every story and I think you’ve got a side that burns me to the ground from a person that wants to burn me to the ground.(That person would be yours truly.. Moi) I would definitely say nothings always as it seems but you are more than welcome to think what you want. So shit way to wrap everything up, however hope it all works out for you and all that jazz.” (All that Jazz, what a flog)
Girl 4 was ready for blood, her new life mission was to destroy him and anyone like him. I actually really liked this girl. I think in another life we might have been good friends. Of course the PRETEND Psychologist carried on acting like he wasn’t at fault for anything. I’ve never met anyone like him … he had the ability to dodge any and all responsibilities.
The Policeman, The Sheriff, The Warrants and The Lunch break
The further out of this relationship I got the more I started to see how life destroying this scumbag had been. The amount of money he owed me, The debt he had got me into. I currently thought the worst of it was being stuck on a lease with him still for a few more months… sooooooo wrong.
During the early stages of our relationship, I ended up with a fine for driving his car around while it wasn’t registered, just a cool $777 fine. The only reason I was driving his car was because I had lent him mine (my fully registered car), I was doing him a favour! I called him crying explaining I’d been pulled over by the police, that I have this massive fine and only weeks to pay for it. He “apologised” said that there must be a mistake with the paperwork that he would sort it all out or at worst pay the fine for me.
Weeks went by without me thinking twice about it … until the next notice arrived this time the fine had jumped up another $200 … $999! I was angry, upset and annoyed that something he promised to sort was back to being my responsibility. Again he “apologised” said it had all been sorted and that the fine was being waved as it was a “clerical error” again he took the fine and said it would be sorted and I would never hear about it again. And I never did.
Now hindsight is an amazing thing, I should have followed this up myself, I should have been a little more proactive, but I trusted what he said.
Well after hearing from Girl 4 I knew I couldn’t trust a single thing I was ever told by him. I needed to check up on the fine myself I needed to make sure my name was clear. So after a quick Google I found the right number too call. Now to set the scene, it was a Friday, I was at work, it was 12.30 … 30 mins before my lunch break. I had a break between patients and decided to make a quick call to the infringement office just to check the fine was in fact cleared. The call went as follows:
- “Hi There, I’m sorry I am probably wasting your time here but I’d rather be safe then sorry”. I explained the whole situation to the lady on the phone. She was super friendly.
- “Don’t stress Honey we get phone calls like this all the time … let me just check it all out for you. Just give me a minute.” (2 minute pause)
- “Oooohhh Honey, I’m so sorry, this fine in fact hasn’t been paid … along with another 8 fines. You currently have $3500 owing.” Cue the tears
- “Sweetie the next part I need to explain will make you panic but it’s ok stay calm and we can work it out. Now because these fines have not been paid and all follow-up fines and communication have been ignore, these fines have in fact turned into warrants… you have 8 warrants and 1 enforcement notice”
I don’t really remember the end of that phone call, I was shocked and crying too hard to really listen. I called my mum straight away, she was at my work within 15 minutes. We didn’t know what to do. So we made the decision to head down to the local police station for some more information.
The police were amazing, again I was so thankful to be dealing with helpful decent friendly humans. He explained that these were civil warrants that I in fact needed to be dealing with the Sheriff’s. Before he sent me off though he did try explain what was about to happen at the sheriff’s office so that I was prepared. (He quickly wished he hadn’t … I started blubbering hideously again)
By the time we made it to the Sheriffs office, I was a mess! I was also 35 minutes into my hour long lunch break. I got to the desk and couldn’t speak a word (thank god for mum). Mum explained all. I was handed a full box of tissues and they lady at the desk very unwillingly started to explain the process of what was about to happen.
“I’m sorry love but I’m going to have to call the Sheriff out, he is then going to have too formally arrest. You will be bailed instantly, this is all so we are able to organise you a court date”
All I really heard were 3 words. ARREST. BAIL. COURT.
I was now wailing holding a box of tissue in one hand and a handful of used ones in the other. As soon as the Sheriff came out I was ushered out of the main reception too a side office. Again this Sheriff was an amazing soul. I’d been blessed with yet again another kind and understanding human.
He refused to “arrest” me, he put a hold on all my warrants. He gave me the all the forms to fill out and the information to go with it. He wanted nothing more than to help me clear my name. What I was now dealing with was Family Violence under the title of Financial Abuse (Yep I’d never heard of it either). There is a long list of things that are classed as financial abuse or “STD” Sexual Transmitted Debt. For me I came under the Category of “Taking out loans or running up debts in someone else’s name.” In the space of an hour and a half, I had fallen into a massive hole and found that “helping hands” where coming from everywhere to help me get back out. I wasn’t alone.
Not one person that day questioned my integrity, they didn’t question my story. I found comfort in that, that the good guy didn’t always lose. I knew I had months of forms, phone calls, emails and maybe court dates ahead of me. But I was ok about it.
So after all that I still had 5 minutes of a lunch break left, just enough time to stop the tears, calm down the red face and get back too work. The funniest thing was going back to work and having the stock standard chat of “How was lunch?” …. “Yeah, not bad almost got arrested and you?” ….
**** I am now months down the track, I am still fighting too clear my name. My 8 warrants have now become 9. My debt associated with these warrants has risen above $4000. Some days I feel like I’m losing, That he will eventually get away with what he’s done. Other days I feel strong, empowered and ready to fight.
Since finding out about financial abuse, I have been able to start the process of getting the $30,000 (Oh I know! That much!) back he owes me, for things like borrowing money for a car to signing my name up for loans. It’s a long process, but I kinda feel responsible to see it all the way through. Not to just get back the money I’m owed but so hopefully I can stop this Con Man for doing it again.