My greatest enemy in life is … ME. I am my hardest judge, I am more than often too cruel to myself.
I don’t want pity. Please never pity me. I have only given you glimpses of my life. I have only ever really shown you the pain. But I still don’t need your pity, why would I
I am still here, still standing, still trying. I don’t want to come across as defeated because I’m not. I have a kind soul and a big heart. It would be so easy to be bitter and give up, but who is that really hurting … just me.
This “last” chapter is best read while listening to your favorite “self-love, pick me up, empowering” song playing in the background. Something with a beat that makes your heart skip and your smile wide … I have always wished my life had a sound track. I think everything means more with music in it. I am currently at my desk in my pyjamas, slippers on, dachshund on my lap, my hair everywhere, a milk shake in hand coupled with burnt toast, headphones in listening to my favourite collection of “life is tough but so are you my darling” songs. All while smiling. I woke up this morning, so today is a good day. SMILE.
I am amazing. No it’s not an exaggerated self-opinion, it’s just a fact. I think too often we find it easier to judge ourselves then to praise. A little self-love never killed anyone. Try it. I am fierce. I am strong. I am capable.
I have stood next to friends and watched them marry the loves of there lives. I have celebrated birthdays, job promotions, house warmings, babies, engagements and all things love in general. I am a loyal friend, fiercely loyal. I am a strong daughter and sister, I would protect my family at all cost. I am a fun and lovable aunt, my nieces and nephews mean more to me than life itself. I choose not to be broken. That doesn’t mean I am without fault, some days I can’t be strong, some days I fall apart. But that is more than ok. There is no weakness in it.
I am the girl who cried watching my best friends first dance as a wife. I am the girl who fought for my other best friends right to marry the love of his life. I am the girl who lays in bed late at night listening to music in the dark. I am the girl who will do anything to hear my nieces and nephew laugh. I am the girl who slept on the kitchen floor when my old dog was sick. I am the girl who will put her hand up to volunteer, to help, to contribute. I am the girl who jumped in the car at 2am and drove more than 2 hours just to check my mum was ok. I am the girl who will sit in the shed with my dad and just chat because I know when I lost a brother he lost his only son, his best friend. I am the girl who will always be the first on the dance floor. I am the girl who will disadvantage herself first before I would let if affect another. I am the girl who checks in regularly with others just so they know they are always someones thought . I am the girl who helped a friend through her marriage break up even though I did mine all alone. I am the girl who sat in her car and cried about life in her lunch breaks but pulled it all together to go back too work. I am the girl who laughs at her own jokes. I am the girl who tries not to judge but understand.
I am the girl who wont give in. I am the girl who will overcome. I am the girl who will keep trying. I am the girl who has lived and lives and is thankful for it all. Every last little BIT.
So that’s it. That’s my life so far. It’s far from finished, I’m a constant work in progress. I’d like to think I’m a master piece in the making … or does that make me sound like too much of a flog? Even if it does I don’t care.
I’d love for you to share my story to a friend that needs a laugh, to a sister that needs a confidence boost, to a work mate that maybe needs a little help. To anyone that needs to know it’s ok to talk, it’s ok to be a little broken and crazy. It’s ok not to have it all worked out yet. Go on pick just one person and pass it along. I only ask that if you know me (and many of you have worked out who I am), please keep my secret for me. I don’t need to be known. I didn’t do this for any other reason then too share, too open myself up and help heal me and maybe you a little too.
So Be Kind, Love More, Don’t Give Up.
Life is tough My Darlings but so are YOU.