Adulthood, life, Love, Marriage, Pain, Single, Travel, Uncategorized

Hacked and Humiliated

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I have never felt as violated as I was this night. For the first time ever I felt what it was really like to be exposed, humiliated … hated.

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Adulthood, life, Love, Marriage, Pain, Single, Travel, Uncategorized

The Plan, The Attack

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I made a plan. A good Plan. An exciting Plan. All there was to do now was tell mum the plan …..

The Way

I am all for signs, I think the universe always throws little hints our way. This time was no different. Back when I was still married, I was home alone (my favourite time) and I chucked on the T.V midday movie to pass the time. This movie was the start of something and my first sign from the universe. The Way. (If you haven’t seen it, do yourself a favour and check it out. Plus it has Martin Sheen in it, the man does no wrong ). I loved the movie so much so I went hunting online for a copy to buy. Continue reading “The Plan, The Attack”

Adulthood, life, Love, Marriage, Pain, Single, Uncategorized

Year One

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The first year we were separated was so hard. It really was. As much as I wanted to completely cut ties with him I couldn’t. We had built a whole life together and now we needed to pull it all apart. Pets, Houses, Cars, Loans … Life.

His emotions were so up and down over the first 12 months. Some times we could be civil, sometimes he was psychotic, sometimes he acted as if I was still his. It changed weekly, and it took its toll on me. I couldn’t sleep, I stopped eating properly, I stopped functioning. Yet still somehow I felt amazing. Drained but amazing. I was doing life all on my own. Well that’s what I first thought but by the end of the first year it all had changed.

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Adulthood, life, Love, Marriage, Pain, Single, Uncategorized

Starting again …The first time

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I woke up New Years Day, alone, in tears, terrified and literally the happiest and strongest I’ve ever been.

I called my mum and asked if I could move home for a while. She instantly answered with a yes and the only question she asked was “what do you need me to do right now?” My mum and dad where on my front door step in 25 minutes with every reusable shopping bag, washing tub and suitcase my mum could get her hands on. I laid on my cold bathroom tiles and watched my mum pack up my life for me. She grabbed everything she could and once a bag/tub was full she would put it at the front door and my dad would pack it into the car. A production line of my life being packed up.

So far only 3 people knew my marriage was over. Me, My Mum, My Dad. Self-involved Husband was still away camping and didn’t feel the need to check in, or even just say Happy New Year. It wasn’t until the 2nd of January he finally called to tell me he was heading home. That’s when I told him, roughly 36 hours after I had decided it was over, that he was coming home to an empty house.

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Adulthood, life, Love, Marriage, Pain, Single, Uncategorized

The husband

The very last thing I want is for anyone to think I’m just writing all this to throw myself a pity party. I’m Not, that’s not my style. What I do want is for everyone to think about their own lives and just too consider where they’re at. Is it healthy? Is it worth It? Is it what you want?

My next chapter isn’t full of a lot of nice things, but just know that I’m ok now.

The Husband Continue reading “The husband”

Adulthood, life, Love, Marriage, Pain, Single, Uncategorized

Life After

Have you ever reached a point in your life when you realise the one thing your mum told you not to do was for a good reason. I did, but I just realised it 11 years later than I should have.

So if you read my first blog ’30’ your would remember the part about my family hitting a rocky patch. Well that Everest sized rocky patch was the death of my oldest and only brother. Now I’m far from ready to talk about that, but it is the point where this next chapter of my life started. Continue reading “Life After”

Adulthood, life, Love, Marriage, Pain, Single, Travel, Uncategorized

30

*** Edit New Title ***

THE SHED!

Yesterday I sat in my shed and cried for close too 2 hours. I was sitting in front of a life time of collected junk and I realised that shed was me. Only 10% of the stuff I carry around with me was mine, the other 90% belonged to my ex husband, my ex boyfriends and my family and friends. You see I’m a carrier. Not a disease or illness carrier (I get my regular checks … STD free since 1987) an ’emotional carrier’.

I had, had enough of all the mess in my shed and decided today’s the day I get rid of it all. That then turned into 2 hours of me sitting in the same spot, on a paint tin, crying about life. So this blog originally started as a laugh between friends … but now I think it might just be the therapy I need. So on that note let’s get on with the original first blog,  the one I actually had put time and effort into!

(Side note: no shed cleaning occurred. I went inside and drank wine..2 bottles)

30

  • 30 years and 11.3 months
  • 371.3 months
  • 1,614.3 weeks
  • 11,300 Day

Above is the total amount of days I’ve been alive, 11,300 days. Doesn’t really seem impressive or sound like much Hey. But I’ve managed to fit more than most into those 11,300 days. The first 15 odd years were filled with pretty stock standard days. Just an average kid growing up in average family of 6, with endless amounts of average love and average fun. (My family is amazing don’t get me wrong, and to me not average at all but we aren’t the Hiltons or the Kardashians )

Then at 16 my family hit a rocky patch, and by rocky I mean Everest sized, and now it seems I’ve been rocky (or just plain crazy) ever since.

My life at best is full. Full of people, places, things, love and drama. ALLLL the drama. I don’t know at what point the universe decided I could handle it all. But it did. And I’m still here. So cheers Universe.

Each and every time I tell people different parts of my life story, I get the same reaction “You should write a book.” So here I am, not a book but a blog. A blog because I’m young and hip and blogs are cool. Well not really I just have terrible writing skills and no one would publish anything I write. (Also for all those English buffs and grammar police I know sentences shouldn’t start with But or And. BUT this wont change , so it’s best you move along now) I guess you could call this my new years resolution, “NEW YEAR NEW ME” type thing. Honestly though I’d love to just see it all, My life in one hit, paragraphs of ME. To read it all and think wow I survived that.

The easiest way to do this is to break up my life into individual blogs (small disclaimer I got the ideas for the titles of my blogs from the girl who was dating my boyfriend at the time, safe to say he’s now an ex and may just get more than a single blog. But that will all come in time and under the title The PSYCHOLOGIST) I promise to be honest and cover it all. I’ve always been pretty good at dealing with things myself and doing it privately, but I’ve come to realise I am pretty amazing. I’ve lived some pretty amazing, bizarre, terrible things and they are all me. ALL me.

So here I am. Read along it you want or drop off now. I really don’t mind, This is more for me then it is for you. If you do stay though I at least hope you may just get a laugh out of my ridiculous attempt at life.

 

S xx